I have not blogged in over two years. I'm not sure why this is...it's not as if I used to have more free time, or more thrilling content to write about. But despite the resounding silence on my blog, I have had a plethora of mental breakthroughs, which I have subsequently forgotten. But I am reminded of these breakthroughs at New Years, when the web is aglow with miracle diets that purport to finally turn us all into supermodels for only $49.99 (plus shipping and handling). In an act of sheer rebellion, I have developed a list of "anti-resolutions". These concepts seem terribly counterintuitive as half of our nation stampedes towards the nearest Whole Foods to purchase the "Nature's Pantry Way Shelf Natural 30 day diahreah be a model instantly cleanse" (TM). But I have a sneaking suspicion that resisting the stampede will be better for my health in the long run. So without further adieu....(clears throat dramatically)....
1) I will NOT sign on for any restrictive/extreme diet plans.
This includes diet plans which meet the following descriptions:
a) eliminating entire food groups from your diet without documented, individualized and scientifically-based health benefits
b) Promises to give us all a beach body in only 10/21/30 days
c) includes the words "breakthrough", "revolutionary", or "amazing"
d) Developed by celebrity personal trainers who exercise for a living
e) feature "before" and "after" photos in which the "before" picture just looks like a normal woman who has had a child and/or a life
f) includes reviews from other fatless fitness gurus
g) Named after a doctor who lives and Florida and whose head shot indicates a clear history of excessive tanning salon patronage
I will instead continue to chip away at the slow, bumpy, ever-changing, and ultimately more gratifying goal of eating mindfully and intuitively. I will continue to focus my inner attention on a long-neglected source of wisdom; my body's cues. This thing (referring to said body) is a result of eons of evolution. And while it may be easily led astray by the shiny bright lights of high fructose corn syrup and white flour, it is generally quite skilled at sending clear signals when I need more veggies, less sugar, or a god-damned piece of CHEESE. The problem is that I usually don't listen to these cues because I am busy reading diet books written by Dr. Fake and Bake, famous fitness consultant to the stars.
Don't get me wrong. There is nothing more comforting than a book that promises a new life if only you would just live on quinoa, beets, and green drinks which take 5 hours to make each morning, you lazy loser! I have purchased SO many of these books. And they all wind up at the goodwill, because GUESS WHAT? Extreme diets are NOT realistic for anyone who has a) a job, b) a child c) a life or d) a pulse. In my humble experience (which I suspect is somewhat similar to the experience of many of you) these diets always, always, ALWAYS end with a sense of failure. Driving away from the Goodwill drop-off I find myself thinking "Why wasn't I able to modify each bite that enters my body at all times, and in all situations? Why wasn't I able to ignore the constant stream of internal cues which my body sends me because it is STARVING. Ah, meh, gawd, eh em SO fat" (because duh, knows that self-critical voice talks like a valley girl! She uses a vocally destructive vocal fry too, because her full vocal range makes her look fat).
Instead, I will work towards the ultimate goal of being a human being; you know, those weird creatures who eat lots of healthy things and sometimes eat not so healthy things. Beating myself up for the not so healthy things has NEVER gotten me anywhere. EVER. Did I mention that beating myself up doesn't work? I just want to reiterate this because the aforementioned beating up of the self is SUCH a popular pastime for women in our culture.
2) I will NOT weigh myself anymore.
My weight does not fit within the "average" range dictated by many a distressing BMI chart. But even when I ate 1200 calories a day in my mid-twenties (I had recently been dumped by a guy obsessed with thin women and had decided that the only way to keep a man in our culture was to be "thin enough"). Even during that awful time, I was still on the upper end of normal according to the BMI charts that assume that every woman who is 5'5'' has the exact same build, bone density, and muscle mass. NOPE! I have the build of an athlete, and I always have. I'm just sad it took me so long to appreciate this aspect of my genetic make-up. I have run 4 half marathons, albeit slowly. I have climbed mountains...slowly (OK fine, they were more like hills, but still...it was an accomplishment, OK??). Also? I don't mean to brag, but I can do each posture in a 75 minute hot power yoga session. Well, except for those that involve balancing in positions that could result in head injuries to myself or others. The point is, I feel like a total badass when I'm going into warrior 2 and my "heavy" thighs get to show off what they can do. THAT is what I want to focus on. Sometimes my eyes gaze enviously upon the slender 20-something on the mat next to me (given that my yoga studio is very crowded, I usually have plenty of opportunity to study my neighbor's anatomy in excessive detail). But then I recall looking just like that girl (mumbles number under breath) years ago, and I was not happy at that time. I was anxious and lonely. Yes, I did get more attention and recognition for my physical appearance. I got hit on far more often because my body met our culture's dysfunctional picture of attractive. But no amount of "oh my god you're so thin/you've lost SO much weight" comments ever silenced the inner angst.
3) I will only do forms of exercise that I enjoy.
I started jogging when Elliot was an infant. For a few years, particularly when I was home with Elliot full time, I really enjoyed running. I loved the zone I got into around mile 2. I loved the sense of physical exhaustion and achievement after completing an 8 mile training run by myself in the rain. Mostly, I enjoyed the sense of community and belonging at various running events. It was like I'd finally been admitted to an elite girl clique, and the only cost of admittance was a pair of running shoes and an ability to run a 5k without collapsing.
I may enjoy these things again one day, but lately I have zero desire to run. This fall, my old ACL injury flared up and my knee got sore whenever I went jogging with my running girlfriends. While I was sad to give up that time with these women whom I adore, I decided to listen to my body and I started walking instead. Yes, I said WALKING! It's this miraculous form of exercise used all over the world by people of all ages! When I was really into running, I thought walking was "boring" and an inferior form of fitness, primarily because it didn't burn as many calories. But to follow up on anti-resolution 1 and 2: WHO GIVES A SH*T ABOUT THE CALORIES? It is such a joy to meander at a reasonable pace through the hills of our hood without feeling like each stride is a mental battle of will. Perhaps I don't burn as many calories after a 3 mile walk as I would during a 3 mile run, but I certainly feel energized, revitalized, healthier, and a heck of a lot happier.
4) I will keep coming back to the present moment. When I remember to. One moment at a time.
My bookshelf is overflowing with books about mindfulness (see list below). I bought these books in a desperate flurry when my mom suffered a stroke and my husband was recovering from foot surgery and I felt like a walking, pulsating bundle of stress and fried nerves. After reading these incredible gems I am not a zen guru, nor do I have a regular meditation practice. I have no idea if I ever will have the discipline to set aside intentional time and meditate. But what I DO have is a newfound awareness that there is in fact a different way to think and live.
Meditation is not only for rich hippies who carry their home-brewed kombucha around in organic, grass-fed mason jars. It doesn't mean you have to clear your mind. It simply means you take a step back and observe the hamster wheel of your thoughts, offering your own brain the same judgment-free, objective lens you would offer the hamster (unless you hate hamsters, in which case we probably can't be friends). You can do this for 30 seconds here and there; while washing the dishes, exercising, showering, driving, helping your 5 year old put on his pants even though he clearly knows how to do it himself, etc. Thanks to my exploration into the concepts of mindfulness, I have a set of skills that allow me to insert the slightest distance from the inner monologue and fretful storyline that used to dictate my entire mental space. This ability to step back helps me wake up when I'm getting caught up in the future or the past, and the miracle is that just recognizing this and shifting my perspective ever so slightly can change my mental state instantly. Suddenly the a-hole driver who honked at me doesn't mean the whole world is out to get me and ruin my day. The whiny child does not mean I am a crappy mom who doesn't know how to manage her child's behavior.
The concept of focusing on the present moment alone is a miracle for those of us with, hem hem, "anxious tendencies". I have always tended to spend a LOT of time and energy in future-land, which is a terribly dark place full of global catastrophes, sudden death of loved ones, loss of jobs, car accidents, plane crashes, cancer, and dreary financial situations. Some recent examples from my voages to future-land:
Clearly there is some hyperbole involved here, but as you can see, future world is really no fun. Thankfully it is not very likely to occur. But even if it did occur, living in future world will not make these catastrophes any easier to cope with. In fact, by living in future world I wear down my mental resources with a constant influx of cortisol, thereby reducing my stamina and emotional energy to cope with unexpected challenges. There is some real fancy psychological research to back this up, which I would cite here if I had the energy.
But thanks to the ancient spiritual wisdom of folks like Buddha, Jesus, and Oprah Winfrey, I am now aware that there IS an alternative place to mentally exist. I don't have to be trapped in future land ALL the time. Instead I can come back to the present moment, which truly is ALL we have (it's mind boggling to think about this fact for a few minutes...seriously, we have NO idea what the future holds, the only thing we have is right here and now...crazy huh???).
I have found that returning to the present moment requires that I take a step back and redirect my mental energy towards 2 simple (but challenging) things:
1) MY BREATH
2) MY SENSES
So just to recap....
1) BREATH
2) SENSES
When I'm going for a walk, usually I spend 90% of the time planning what I'll do for the day, the year, the decade...but the difference is that now I can take a step back (literally) and stop, even for just a moment, to focus on the smells around me (the smell of evergreens on a rainy day is intoxicating), the sights (amazing how much wildlife there is to see when I'm not obsessing about whether I said the right thing to a parent during a meeting two weeks ago), and the sounds outside of the constant inner dialogue (did you know you can hear boats on Lake WA even from a half mile away?).
Washing the dishes, I can take a pause from my little annoyances (e.g. Elliot's love/hate relationship with all things edible). Instead of going down the road of "why is my kid SUCH a picky eater? What am I doing wrong as a mother?" I can choose to look at the rotund squirrels bouncing around carelessly in our backyard. Animals provide ideal (and hilarious) models of living in the moment. I very much doubt that the obese balls of gray fluff out there spend ANY mental energy worrying about their non-existent squirrel waistlines. They probably don't have a stack of books about the latest fad diet in their den (nevermind that squirrels can't read. Work with me here!). There is something to be said for sheerly focusing on survival. Our superior brains and our capacity for meta-cognition (the ability to think about what we are thinking about) can be such a curse sometimes.
5) I will try to practice self-compassion.
Writing this last point, I must confess that I feel like Stuart Smalley, the famous self-help addict from 1990s SNL (see clip below for hilarious sample of Stuart in action).
Despite the ridiculousness, he has some good points. I grew up with a unique combination of 12 step programs and Southern Baptist Christianity that resulted in a very destructive idea that I should be constantly vigilant about my defects of character and daily seeking forgiveness for my endless list of sins. Well aware of a family history of alcoholism on both sides, I was convinced I was an alcoholic before I ever tasted alcohol. No pressure! As a teenager, I wrote in my journal to God each night with a list of sins that needed forgiveness. A very blunt therapist once asked me "what the hell did you even have to write about??". So in other words, I tend to be just a wee bit hard on myself. Thankfully I have realized that the only purification I need is to be cleansed of all the shame-generating sermons and bible studies of my adolescence.
It's a slow process, but I have found lots of guidance from the wisdom of Buddhism and progressive Christianity (by that I mean the version of Christianity that actually follows Christ's clear focus on love and compassion for everyone). While taking time to put on my imaginary blue cardigan and recite self-compassion meditations (with a lisp, obviously) may feel painfully awkward and ridiculous, these exercises are necessary to undue the aforementioned hellfire and brimstone brainwashing. Also, a little self-compassion allows me to be far more compassionate with others, particularly my child. The work of the fabulous psychologist Kristin Neff has been quite helpful (see her awesome website for resources and free guided meditations....narrated with a lisp, of course).
On that note, may you all have a fantastic 2016, free of unattainable resolutions and full of self-compassion. Because you're good enough, you're smart enough, and DOGGONIT, people like you!
Books about Mindfulness:
1) The Mindful Way Through Depression (multiple authors who I'm too lazy to list)
Great info about anxiety and how to use mindfulness practices to interrupt the anxiety hamster wheel.
2) The Mindful Brain, by Dan Seigel
Heavy on neuroanatomy and neurophysiology, but lots of fascinating research for you science dorks.
3) Peace is Every Step, Thich Nhat Hahn
Written by the famous zen buddhist monk who brought the concepts of mindfulness to the west during the Vietnam War. Written very simply and quick to read.
4) Wherever You go, There you Are, Jon Kabat-Zinn
Written by the doctor who developed "Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction", a program for patients suffering from terminal illness, chronic pain, and mental illness.
Lana's TOP 5 ANTI-RESOLUTIONS for 2016!
(Copyright "Lana doesn't know what she's talking about", 2015)
This includes diet plans which meet the following descriptions:
a) eliminating entire food groups from your diet without documented, individualized and scientifically-based health benefitsb) Promises to give us all a beach body in only 10/21/30 days
c) includes the words "breakthrough", "revolutionary", or "amazing"
d) Developed by celebrity personal trainers who exercise for a living
e) feature "before" and "after" photos in which the "before" picture just looks like a normal woman who has had a child and/or a life
f) includes reviews from other fatless fitness gurus
g) Named after a doctor who lives and Florida and whose head shot indicates a clear history of excessive tanning salon patronage
I will instead continue to chip away at the slow, bumpy, ever-changing, and ultimately more gratifying goal of eating mindfully and intuitively. I will continue to focus my inner attention on a long-neglected source of wisdom; my body's cues. This thing (referring to said body) is a result of eons of evolution. And while it may be easily led astray by the shiny bright lights of high fructose corn syrup and white flour, it is generally quite skilled at sending clear signals when I need more veggies, less sugar, or a god-damned piece of CHEESE. The problem is that I usually don't listen to these cues because I am busy reading diet books written by Dr. Fake and Bake, famous fitness consultant to the stars.
Don't get me wrong. There is nothing more comforting than a book that promises a new life if only you would just live on quinoa, beets, and green drinks which take 5 hours to make each morning, you lazy loser! I have purchased SO many of these books. And they all wind up at the goodwill, because GUESS WHAT? Extreme diets are NOT realistic for anyone who has a) a job, b) a child c) a life or d) a pulse. In my humble experience (which I suspect is somewhat similar to the experience of many of you) these diets always, always, ALWAYS end with a sense of failure. Driving away from the Goodwill drop-off I find myself thinking "Why wasn't I able to modify each bite that enters my body at all times, and in all situations? Why wasn't I able to ignore the constant stream of internal cues which my body sends me because it is STARVING. Ah, meh, gawd, eh em SO fat" (because duh, knows that self-critical voice talks like a valley girl! She uses a vocally destructive vocal fry too, because her full vocal range makes her look fat).
Instead, I will work towards the ultimate goal of being a human being; you know, those weird creatures who eat lots of healthy things and sometimes eat not so healthy things. Beating myself up for the not so healthy things has NEVER gotten me anywhere. EVER. Did I mention that beating myself up doesn't work? I just want to reiterate this because the aforementioned beating up of the self is SUCH a popular pastime for women in our culture.
2) I will NOT weigh myself anymore.
My weight does not fit within the "average" range dictated by many a distressing BMI chart. But even when I ate 1200 calories a day in my mid-twenties (I had recently been dumped by a guy obsessed with thin women and had decided that the only way to keep a man in our culture was to be "thin enough"). Even during that awful time, I was still on the upper end of normal according to the BMI charts that assume that every woman who is 5'5'' has the exact same build, bone density, and muscle mass. NOPE! I have the build of an athlete, and I always have. I'm just sad it took me so long to appreciate this aspect of my genetic make-up. I have run 4 half marathons, albeit slowly. I have climbed mountains...slowly (OK fine, they were more like hills, but still...it was an accomplishment, OK??). Also? I don't mean to brag, but I can do each posture in a 75 minute hot power yoga session. Well, except for those that involve balancing in positions that could result in head injuries to myself or others. The point is, I feel like a total badass when I'm going into warrior 2 and my "heavy" thighs get to show off what they can do. THAT is what I want to focus on. Sometimes my eyes gaze enviously upon the slender 20-something on the mat next to me (given that my yoga studio is very crowded, I usually have plenty of opportunity to study my neighbor's anatomy in excessive detail). But then I recall looking just like that girl (mumbles number under breath) years ago, and I was not happy at that time. I was anxious and lonely. Yes, I did get more attention and recognition for my physical appearance. I got hit on far more often because my body met our culture's dysfunctional picture of attractive. But no amount of "oh my god you're so thin/you've lost SO much weight" comments ever silenced the inner angst.
3) I will only do forms of exercise that I enjoy.
I started jogging when Elliot was an infant. For a few years, particularly when I was home with Elliot full time, I really enjoyed running. I loved the zone I got into around mile 2. I loved the sense of physical exhaustion and achievement after completing an 8 mile training run by myself in the rain. Mostly, I enjoyed the sense of community and belonging at various running events. It was like I'd finally been admitted to an elite girl clique, and the only cost of admittance was a pair of running shoes and an ability to run a 5k without collapsing.
I may enjoy these things again one day, but lately I have zero desire to run. This fall, my old ACL injury flared up and my knee got sore whenever I went jogging with my running girlfriends. While I was sad to give up that time with these women whom I adore, I decided to listen to my body and I started walking instead. Yes, I said WALKING! It's this miraculous form of exercise used all over the world by people of all ages! When I was really into running, I thought walking was "boring" and an inferior form of fitness, primarily because it didn't burn as many calories. But to follow up on anti-resolution 1 and 2: WHO GIVES A SH*T ABOUT THE CALORIES? It is such a joy to meander at a reasonable pace through the hills of our hood without feeling like each stride is a mental battle of will. Perhaps I don't burn as many calories after a 3 mile walk as I would during a 3 mile run, but I certainly feel energized, revitalized, healthier, and a heck of a lot happier.
4) I will keep coming back to the present moment. When I remember to. One moment at a time.
My bookshelf is overflowing with books about mindfulness (see list below). I bought these books in a desperate flurry when my mom suffered a stroke and my husband was recovering from foot surgery and I felt like a walking, pulsating bundle of stress and fried nerves. After reading these incredible gems I am not a zen guru, nor do I have a regular meditation practice. I have no idea if I ever will have the discipline to set aside intentional time and meditate. But what I DO have is a newfound awareness that there is in fact a different way to think and live.
Meditation is not only for rich hippies who carry their home-brewed kombucha around in organic, grass-fed mason jars. It doesn't mean you have to clear your mind. It simply means you take a step back and observe the hamster wheel of your thoughts, offering your own brain the same judgment-free, objective lens you would offer the hamster (unless you hate hamsters, in which case we probably can't be friends). You can do this for 30 seconds here and there; while washing the dishes, exercising, showering, driving, helping your 5 year old put on his pants even though he clearly knows how to do it himself, etc. Thanks to my exploration into the concepts of mindfulness, I have a set of skills that allow me to insert the slightest distance from the inner monologue and fretful storyline that used to dictate my entire mental space. This ability to step back helps me wake up when I'm getting caught up in the future or the past, and the miracle is that just recognizing this and shifting my perspective ever so slightly can change my mental state instantly. Suddenly the a-hole driver who honked at me doesn't mean the whole world is out to get me and ruin my day. The whiny child does not mean I am a crappy mom who doesn't know how to manage her child's behavior.
The concept of focusing on the present moment alone is a miracle for those of us with, hem hem, "anxious tendencies". I have always tended to spend a LOT of time and energy in future-land, which is a terribly dark place full of global catastrophes, sudden death of loved ones, loss of jobs, car accidents, plane crashes, cancer, and dreary financial situations. Some recent examples from my voages to future-land:
- Personal Health....."So and so died of cancer. She smoked for 20 years. I smoked for one year in my 20s. Oh GOD, I'm going to die of cancer and leave my family behind and....[shallow breathing]....what will they do without me???"
- Work....."I didn't take great data about that one kid who I worked with a few months ago. I think he may have had a lateral lisp rather than a protrusional lisp. OR what if he actually had tongue thrust and I missed it? What IS tongue thrust anyway? What if his very bitter and mentally unstable mother decides to sue all of the special educators who ever worked with him, and I lose my SLP license (note: this is a fictional child) and we have to sell our house and then Elliot doesn't get to go to college???".
- Parenting: "Elliot has never been invited on a playdate by a kindergarten classmate. Does this mean I am not teaching him adequate social skills? Should I be scheduling playdates? Never mind that he seems very happy and has great bonds with my friends' children who are his age...clearly I am ruining his social life by not facilitating closer friendships with children in his class!"
- My parents' aging process and health: "Such and such happened to such and such old person who I worked with during my nursing home rotation in grad school. What if this happens to my parents? What if this happens to my mom? How will my dad handle it? What if this happens to my dad? How will my mom handle it? And how will I handle the weight of this burden, because clearly I have to do it ALL BY MYSELF!"
Clearly there is some hyperbole involved here, but as you can see, future world is really no fun. Thankfully it is not very likely to occur. But even if it did occur, living in future world will not make these catastrophes any easier to cope with. In fact, by living in future world I wear down my mental resources with a constant influx of cortisol, thereby reducing my stamina and emotional energy to cope with unexpected challenges. There is some real fancy psychological research to back this up, which I would cite here if I had the energy.
But thanks to the ancient spiritual wisdom of folks like Buddha, Jesus, and Oprah Winfrey, I am now aware that there IS an alternative place to mentally exist. I don't have to be trapped in future land ALL the time. Instead I can come back to the present moment, which truly is ALL we have (it's mind boggling to think about this fact for a few minutes...seriously, we have NO idea what the future holds, the only thing we have is right here and now...crazy huh???).
I have found that returning to the present moment requires that I take a step back and redirect my mental energy towards 2 simple (but challenging) things:
1) MY BREATH
2) MY SENSES
So just to recap....
1) BREATH
2) SENSES
When I'm going for a walk, usually I spend 90% of the time planning what I'll do for the day, the year, the decade...but the difference is that now I can take a step back (literally) and stop, even for just a moment, to focus on the smells around me (the smell of evergreens on a rainy day is intoxicating), the sights (amazing how much wildlife there is to see when I'm not obsessing about whether I said the right thing to a parent during a meeting two weeks ago), and the sounds outside of the constant inner dialogue (did you know you can hear boats on Lake WA even from a half mile away?). Washing the dishes, I can take a pause from my little annoyances (e.g. Elliot's love/hate relationship with all things edible). Instead of going down the road of "why is my kid SUCH a picky eater? What am I doing wrong as a mother?" I can choose to look at the rotund squirrels bouncing around carelessly in our backyard. Animals provide ideal (and hilarious) models of living in the moment. I very much doubt that the obese balls of gray fluff out there spend ANY mental energy worrying about their non-existent squirrel waistlines. They probably don't have a stack of books about the latest fad diet in their den (nevermind that squirrels can't read. Work with me here!). There is something to be said for sheerly focusing on survival. Our superior brains and our capacity for meta-cognition (the ability to think about what we are thinking about) can be such a curse sometimes.
5) I will try to practice self-compassion.
Writing this last point, I must confess that I feel like Stuart Smalley, the famous self-help addict from 1990s SNL (see clip below for hilarious sample of Stuart in action).
Despite the ridiculousness, he has some good points. I grew up with a unique combination of 12 step programs and Southern Baptist Christianity that resulted in a very destructive idea that I should be constantly vigilant about my defects of character and daily seeking forgiveness for my endless list of sins. Well aware of a family history of alcoholism on both sides, I was convinced I was an alcoholic before I ever tasted alcohol. No pressure! As a teenager, I wrote in my journal to God each night with a list of sins that needed forgiveness. A very blunt therapist once asked me "what the hell did you even have to write about??". So in other words, I tend to be just a wee bit hard on myself. Thankfully I have realized that the only purification I need is to be cleansed of all the shame-generating sermons and bible studies of my adolescence.
It's a slow process, but I have found lots of guidance from the wisdom of Buddhism and progressive Christianity (by that I mean the version of Christianity that actually follows Christ's clear focus on love and compassion for everyone). While taking time to put on my imaginary blue cardigan and recite self-compassion meditations (with a lisp, obviously) may feel painfully awkward and ridiculous, these exercises are necessary to undue the aforementioned hellfire and brimstone brainwashing. Also, a little self-compassion allows me to be far more compassionate with others, particularly my child. The work of the fabulous psychologist Kristin Neff has been quite helpful (see her awesome website for resources and free guided meditations....narrated with a lisp, of course).
On that note, may you all have a fantastic 2016, free of unattainable resolutions and full of self-compassion. Because you're good enough, you're smart enough, and DOGGONIT, people like you!
Books about Mindfulness:
1) The Mindful Way Through Depression (multiple authors who I'm too lazy to list)
Great info about anxiety and how to use mindfulness practices to interrupt the anxiety hamster wheel.
2) The Mindful Brain, by Dan Seigel
Heavy on neuroanatomy and neurophysiology, but lots of fascinating research for you science dorks.
3) Peace is Every Step, Thich Nhat Hahn
Written by the famous zen buddhist monk who brought the concepts of mindfulness to the west during the Vietnam War. Written very simply and quick to read.
4) Wherever You go, There you Are, Jon Kabat-Zinn
Written by the doctor who developed "Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction", a program for patients suffering from terminal illness, chronic pain, and mental illness.
