Ode to Grandmas and coconut bras.

As I prepared for the joys of motherhood, I was frequently cautioned about the dangers of the grandma who lends too much advice. So great was my trepidation that I diligently prepared a mental speech, which I would boldly deliver in the event of a grandma-advice-overdose. The speech basically stated: "I know what I'm doing, so shove off!".

I have yet to feel the need to deliver this eloquent speech, because what I didn't realize is how incredibly LUCKY I would feel to have a number of loving parental units in a 20 mile radius, all eager to help with Elliot in any way they can! How many children can say they have six grandparents who they see on a regular basis? And yes, they may offer advice from time to time. But most of the time it's good advice! In fact, sometimes I even (drumroll) seek out their input. Countless times I have called a mom-figure in tears, trying to figure out how to mend whatever was wrong with Elliot (usually gas). And during the reflux JULY FROM HELL (see earlier blog post about tubing) my wonderful mother stopped by my house almost everyday and kept me company while I sat on the couch in tears, desperately trying to get my baby to eat.

Disclaimer #1: this does not lend you Grandmas free license to unleash those bits of wisdom you've been patiently storing in your head while watching Rob and I fumble our way through our first year of parenthood.

Disclaimer #2: I may have jokingly implemented a daily advice quota for my own mom, which she frequently surpasses. But all I have to say is "quota alert!" and she usually moves on to a new topic..

I say this not to brag about how lucky I am. Because I'd have to be a complete asshole to do that (keep the jokes to yourselves, readers). My true intention is to commend all of you parents who are traversing the rough terrain of new parenthood without much family support. Whether it's due to career-related distances or family rifts, many new parents these days aren't graced with the blessing of family help. And to all of you in this situation, I offer a big fat salute!

This does lead me to question why so many parents seem to be going it alone these days (as compared to the days of yore???). The biggest factor I can identify, via the very scientific method of thinking about our circle of friends for 2 minutes, is career. People move away from family to pursue their careers, because they are passionate about what they do. And my fortunate family situation is largely due to the fact that Rob and I haven't prioritized our careers. For example, Rob would make an excellent fireman, and this has always been his dream. If career were his top priority, he would apply all over the country for positions, instead of localizing his search to the very competitive Seattle area. Sometimes we think about what could have been (especially when I imagine how hot Rob would look in a fireman uniform) or bemoan the fact that we don't have the incomes that our career-focused friends do. But when it comes down to it, we are happy with the choices we've made, because we are richer for the tremendous family support we have at our doorstep.

I do not think this is the right choice for everyone, however. Being closely knit with one's family does have its, erm, challenges. And some family situations are so dysfunctional that a 1k+ distance between grandparents and children is the best thing for everyone involved. However, I do have to say that there's something appealing about the idea of communal family child-rearing. (Parents: please take a moment to visualize yourself, your parental units, and your child/children living together in a large communal dwelling, wearing grass skirts and coconuts on your breasts for some reason. Sounds kinda nice, doesn't it?). But for those of you who have chosen your career or sanity over a communal hut in your homeland, may you find community and support in other ways, including visits from your friend Lana. I promise not to wear a coconut bra. But I can't make any promises about the grass skirt.