To Baptize or not to Baptize?

First let me state that I am not sure if I am still a Christian or not. During my childhood I attended a broad spectrum of Protestant churches, from Unitarian to Southern Baptist. I even had a brief encounter with true fundamentalism (as in people speaking in tongues, or drunk from the communion wine, or perhaps both). I went to a fairly conservative Christian high school, participated in Mission trips to Mexico (all the while wondering why the people we were helping seemed far more content than me, but perhaps that was the diarrhea speaking) and attempted to pray on a daily basis. Then I went off to college at a public University, met lots of amazing people from various belief systems, and quickly crawled out of my close-minded little box. I suspect this happens to 50% of devout adolescents. The other 50% get married at age 18 in order to avoid premarital sex and begin a process of copious breeding. Not that there is anything wrong with that [pregnant pause].

Since that time I've migrated further and further away from identifying myself as a
"Christian". Yet I still love Jesus. The problem is, I also love Buddha, mother nature, Yahweh, and the many amazing people in my life who follow these "beings". I don't want to get into a theological diatribe (mainly because I have little knowledge to back it up) but I simply cannot believe in a God who would send non-Christians to Hell or view loving gay unions as a sin. And in my VERY humble opinion, true religious "faith" emerges from the instincts in your gut that tell you things like "wait, if God is so loving, why is he sending a large portion of the people he created to hell?". And if you have to force your gut to believe something that just seems wrong on many levels, then perhaps you've migrated into brainwashing territory. For me, that territory was the Mexican desert, when I tried to go through the motions of being "born again" on mission trips but just could NOT get the hang of it. It was like being constipated (except for the aforementioned diarrhea).

And so my gut (i.e. my faith) has led me believe in a Higher Power who is far greater and far more mysterious than a single human belief system. I find this Higher Power in places like Franz Biebl's Ave Maria (to hear, go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVBsNUXg_YM) and Rachmaninoff's Vespers. The problem is, I'm not sure how to expose my son to this Higher Power. How do you educate your child about something that you yourself find to be a complete but beautiful mystery? Do you arbitrarily choose a favorite church based on superficial factors ("hey this church has good communion wine and a choir that sings in tune, let's join!")? Do you expose your child to lots of churches, or no churches at all? Do you volunteer on Sundays, go hiking to pristine spots, and take him to hear divine music instead of subjecting him to organized religion? As much as I love the idea of letting Elliot figure it out for himself, I would like to play a small and humble role in exposing him to the wonders that I have found from my faith.

This brings me to the question of baptism. We have the honor of serving as Godparents to the baby girl of our good friends this Sunday when she is baptized into the Catholic faith of her family. We attended a class and rehearsal on the baptism process, and I was surprised to find myself yearning for a way to offer Elliot a similar blessing. As Rob and I now ponder how to include spirituality in our parenting of this miraculous little boy, we are faced with an abundance of questions. Perhaps teaching Elliot to question, wonder, and maintain an open heart is the best blessing we can offer him. But a little dash of water and beautiful ritual won't hurt, will it?