Yet another profound revelation. I will never be a jogging stroller mom (henceforth referred to as JSM, because my fingers are lazy, at least when it comes to some activities..insert innuendo here).
Before I had my own chid, I would shuffle around Greenlake and stare with admiration as the JSMs passed me by with their limber size -2 postpartum bodies, their children sitting like perfect dolls in the safe confines of a pricey stroller Hummer. I sort of hated them, mostly because I knew they probably lived in some adorable 5 bedroom craftsman bungalow in a prestigious Seattle neighborhood which I would never be able to afford. Have I mentioned that envy is one of my biggest defects of character? But I also sort of loved them, because their toned bodies meant that if I had a baby, I would not be forced to become a chubby, frumpy mom with a cheap haircut and pleated stone-washed jeans. They offered proof that I could be a mom AND a fitness goddess, both goals that I hoped to achieve before age 45!
I've achieved one of those goals (I'll let you guess which one) and today, I took that fussy little goal on our first jogging stroller adventure. During that 20 minutes of sheer unadulterated non-bliss, I realized a few things. And thus commences yet another blog entry list:
1) Although I am utterly and completely in love with my child, why would I bring the fussy creature WITH me when I exercise, when I can use exercise as a way to get a few precious hours to myself???
2) I don't care how well designed a jogging stroller is or how many gadgets it includes. Pushing a large object wile running is simply NOT A NATURAL HUMAN ACTIVITY! I can't tell you how many times I nearly a) ran into the stroller when it slowed down, b) ran into the people walking by me and smiling at my screaming child, or c) pushed the stroller INTO the lake I was running next to.
3) I had to stop about 40 times due to Elliot's fun new game, called "throw my binky from the stroller, say 'uh oh' in my little imp voice, whine at mommy until she returns said binky despite her assertive proclamations of "ALL DONE BINKY", suck on binky for roughly .006 seconds once I've worn my annoyed mommy down, and then commence the game again".
After Elliot's binky mysteriously propelled itself 20 feet in the air for the umpteenth time, a JSM prototype passed me by. Her perfectly colored hair bounced cheerfully as her slender legs carried her and her non-binky-catapulting child forward. Then she did something utterly unexpected. She SMILED at me! I think she thought "yay! Another JSM, she and I could be BFF!". Little did she know I was mentally exploring my entire lexicon of curse words. But I smiled back at her in a friendly JSM club greeting, secretly thinking "you seem nice lady, but this club SUCKS".
And yet again I've realized that the things that I envy are not always what they seem. So I'm starting my own club called "mildly fit moms who go to yoga and Zumba as often as they can so their wonderful husbands have to put their fussy child to bed".
oh lana!! this one made me laugh but also made me sad! i was just going to ask if you wanted to join me at running club but thinking that would not make you a happy lady. i think that it is great that rob supports you in a fantastic way that allows you to exercise several times a week without the kiddo:) you are a very lucky lady:)
ReplyDeleteConfession: I decided to try jogging with Elliot one more time before throwing in the towel (and selling my jogging stroller). Low and behold, it was actually enjoyable! Which just goes to show, one should never give up on child-friendly activities until one has tried it when their child is actually in a good mood. I blame teething and my own funky mood for our traumatic first jogging stroller attempt. However, I still refuse to call myself a JSM.
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