Why shave this summer, when you can wear THIS???

That's right ladies. Put away those razers, trimmers, waxers, and other doodads that I have never figured out how to use. This fashion gurista is here to tell you that full-coverage swimwear is in your future! I have yet to find any full-coverage swimwear that isn't considered an antique item from the 1920s, but that is neither here nor there.

Seriously though, each year as summer approaches, I live in dread of my annual bloody battles with the dreaded bikini line. My husband will be the first to tell you (in a very mournful tone) that the razor and I are NOT BFF. In fact, we're not even FF. We're more like EF (enemies forever??? DUH!). And this is because the razor hurts my skin, my confidence, and my mood.

So why not wax, you may ask? I've done it before. Twice in fact, and both times in lovely serene spa settings. The first time was a month before I gave birth (mainly b/c all the mom blogs told me to do it, and I somehow thought I would end up with a C-section if I didn't wax and get a pedi before entering the hospital). The second time was a week before we went to Hawaii last fall. I would love to go to wax spa new age music therapy on a monthly basis, but who can afford THAT?

This may lead you to ask the next logical question, "why not go to a cheap Asian spa for a cheap Asian wax job?". Um, no thank you. I love the women who work in such places, and I have nothing against people of Asian heritage. However, the Asian spa ladies are not known for gentle touches OR tact. If I wanted to be insulted and plucked violently, I would hang out with my $2 razor, thank you very much.

And so in my attempt to maintain my dignity and avoid razor burn in awkward places this summer, I've just purchased a wonderful little invention called "board shorts". They are...wait for it....shorts that you wear while swimming!!!! Who knew? Granted they are designed for athletic surfer chics...which I am clearly not one of. But I'm willing to walk around with a fake surfboard if that's what it takes to gain the right to wear shorts to the pool. Either that, or I'll travel in time to the 1920s, when swimwear was more dignified.